It is difficult enough to contemplate death; it is more difficult still to think of it as an orderly process. Author Susan Cheever wrote, "Death is terrifying because it is so ordinary. It happens all the time." When one is given the dubious blessing of having the time and wherewithal to prepare for approaching death, which, to some extent, most of us are, we must contend with two different aspects of dying: that of our body, and that of our emotional or spiritual selves. If the gradual shut-down of bodily processes tends to be relatively orderly, the progression of our mental/spiritual/emotional can seem less so. Is it possible to be prepared for one's own death?
Our death stories will be just as unique and personal as our birth stories are. For those with a terminal illness, there is a period of days, weeks, or months during which to prepare for death. The body does this according to its own internal "checklist." One way it prepares for death is to divert blood flow from the extremities to the core organs; this is why your limbs may feel cool to the touch. The body is a complex machine, but a machine all the same, and it begins a shut-down process until even essential functions, like breathing, are ceased.
According to Hospice, "These physical changes are a normal, natural way in which the body prepares itself to stop..." Our spiritual, mental, and emotional selves also follow a sort of progression as death approaches. Just as the body begins to cease nonessential functions, so too does the mind. We are typically concerned with "core" issues: this may working towards a resolution for unfinished business, thinking about the wellbeing of our loved ones after our death, and receiving permission to die from our loved ones. And just as with the body, these "events are the normal, natural way in which the spirit prepares to move from this existence into the next dimension of life."
These dual processes may not take place on the same schedule. It is possible for one's body to be physically ready for death, but there are unresolved issues that are causing him to linger. It is also possible for one to be at peace and ready to die while the body is continuing its shut-down process. When both of these processes are complete, we are prepared for death, which is imminent.
One of the hardest aspects of dying is dealing with the fear. If you say to yourself, "I am dying," there is certainly going to be a feeling of panic, of despair, of disbelief. What does this mean? How is it that I will die? What will happen to me? Dr. Alan D. Wolflet writes, "You can only cope with this new reality in doses."
Dying is a concept that seems, at first, too big to grasp. You may accept it one day, but rage against it the next. You may feel you are ready one day, but discover you have business you need to attend to another. This is part of the process, part of preparing to die. "To acknowledge you are dying is to let go of the future," says Dr. Wolflet. "It is to live only in the present. There is no easy way to do this, and you will probably struggle with it every day until you die." Knowing this can help you accept it. It also gives us the opportunity to live for the present, advice that we are really never able to heed until we are dying.
Many people embrace religion or spirituality to help them cope with the uncertainty, fear, and anxiety. If this resonates with you, immerse yourself in it, whether it is a concept of God, reincarnation, or a returning to the earth. Accept help, prayers, meditation, or other spiritual gifts from loved ones. Dealing with death is not easy, but this may help make it easier.
What if you are not religious and do not believe in an afterlife? Is it still possible to move towards death calmly and peacefully? Yes. Many people see death as a cessation of pain, as well as a cessation of feeling. Epicurus wrote, "Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist." This can be comforting for one who is about to die.
Does the proximity of death bring us awareness, and eventually acceptance of our mortality? Many believe so - if we allow it to. It is not as important that you hold a specific belief as you find a way to bring comfort and acceptance to yourself as you prepare to die. This, too, is a process.
Our death stories will be just as unique and personal as our birth stories are. For those with a terminal illness, there is a period of days, weeks, or months during which to prepare for death. The body does this according to its own internal "checklist." One way it prepares for death is to divert blood flow from the extremities to the core organs; this is why your limbs may feel cool to the touch. The body is a complex machine, but a machine all the same, and it begins a shut-down process until even essential functions, like breathing, are ceased.
According to Hospice, "These physical changes are a normal, natural way in which the body prepares itself to stop..." Our spiritual, mental, and emotional selves also follow a sort of progression as death approaches. Just as the body begins to cease nonessential functions, so too does the mind. We are typically concerned with "core" issues: this may working towards a resolution for unfinished business, thinking about the wellbeing of our loved ones after our death, and receiving permission to die from our loved ones. And just as with the body, these "events are the normal, natural way in which the spirit prepares to move from this existence into the next dimension of life."
These dual processes may not take place on the same schedule. It is possible for one's body to be physically ready for death, but there are unresolved issues that are causing him to linger. It is also possible for one to be at peace and ready to die while the body is continuing its shut-down process. When both of these processes are complete, we are prepared for death, which is imminent.
One of the hardest aspects of dying is dealing with the fear. If you say to yourself, "I am dying," there is certainly going to be a feeling of panic, of despair, of disbelief. What does this mean? How is it that I will die? What will happen to me? Dr. Alan D. Wolflet writes, "You can only cope with this new reality in doses."
Dying is a concept that seems, at first, too big to grasp. You may accept it one day, but rage against it the next. You may feel you are ready one day, but discover you have business you need to attend to another. This is part of the process, part of preparing to die. "To acknowledge you are dying is to let go of the future," says Dr. Wolflet. "It is to live only in the present. There is no easy way to do this, and you will probably struggle with it every day until you die." Knowing this can help you accept it. It also gives us the opportunity to live for the present, advice that we are really never able to heed until we are dying.
Many people embrace religion or spirituality to help them cope with the uncertainty, fear, and anxiety. If this resonates with you, immerse yourself in it, whether it is a concept of God, reincarnation, or a returning to the earth. Accept help, prayers, meditation, or other spiritual gifts from loved ones. Dealing with death is not easy, but this may help make it easier.
What if you are not religious and do not believe in an afterlife? Is it still possible to move towards death calmly and peacefully? Yes. Many people see death as a cessation of pain, as well as a cessation of feeling. Epicurus wrote, "Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist." This can be comforting for one who is about to die.
Does the proximity of death bring us awareness, and eventually acceptance of our mortality? Many believe so - if we allow it to. It is not as important that you hold a specific belief as you find a way to bring comfort and acceptance to yourself as you prepare to die. This, too, is a process.
About the Author:
Looking to find an excellent provider for San Francisco psychotherapy, then look no more. Dr. Seth is a renowned analytical psychologist who practices classical Jungian analysis to psychoanalytically-oriented psychotherapy.
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